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1. Panic!
An excited, agitated state will give you that
heightened sense of awareness and will increase your thought
processes allowing you to come up with rational solutions. Panic is
just nature's way of putting your body into over-drive. It's a
defense mechanism that gives you an edge when dealing with
potentially harmful situations, such as a severed arm or the loss of
your Internet.
2. Find A Telephone
Do you have access to a telephone line?
Early computers connected to the Internet using a dial-up device
along with a hardware device known as a "modem." Since this
technology is obsolete, it will be of no use to you. Instead, use
your telephone to call your friends to see if their connection is
also down, as you will have lost the ability to send an email or an
instant message. You can also use a telephone to call 911, an
emergency service that will first tell you to calm down, and then
will send out specially-trained technicians to find the source of the
Internet's failure.
3. Use Your Back-Up Computer
It's always good to have an
emergency laptop handy, in case you need to harry over to a buddy's
place where the Net is still up. If there is still no Internet at
that location, at the very least you could connect to a small network
or LAN (Less-than Adequate Network). Laptops can also be placed on
tables at coffeeshops, while you sit around with a latte, nervously
waiting for your connection to be restored.
4. Install A Game
In emergency situations, installing a
single-player computer game can occupy your down-time. While it won't
replace the adrenaline rush of intense networked multiplayer action
provided by the Internet, a quick game of Sim
City or Flight Simulator may distract you long
enough for your connection to return.
5. Perform Routine Maintenance
While programs such as Norton
Antivirus have removed most of the tedium of computer system
maintenance, nothing could help pass the time faster than cleaning
out your hard drive, emptying your cache, or organizing your
celebrity fake porn collection. Take the time to stare at your screen
while you perform a defragmentation. The time will literally fly
while you barely notice your separation from the Internet.
6. Turn On A Television Or Radio
Televisions, strange boxes
that sit in your parents' living rooms, were once used to provide
entertainment, long before DVDs and Playstations were invented.
Televisions have the capability of broadcasting streaming information
similar to the content on multimedia websites. With a "remote
control," a wireless device that is like a small one-handed
keyboard, you may be able to surf a limited number of "channels,"
while you deal with the loss of your connection. Unfortunately,
television is only a one-way media.
In ancient times, radios were also used to entertain. A radio allowed you to listen to news, sports, and music, much the same way that you listen to live streaming audio on a Shoutcast server. Like the television, a radio will only have a limited selection of listening stations, and no video. Hopefully your separation from the Internet will be brief.
7. Read
People
in pre-Internet times used to read "books" and "magazines",
written materials once created in printable format to pass the time.
Some e-books are still available on paper, and may offer a short-term
solution until your power is back and your broadband is restored. If
reading is not an option, as a last resort, you may wish to try doing
"chores," or try your hand at cooking.
While these activities cannot replace the Internet, they may be able
to make the down-time a little more tolerable.
8.
Play cards
When
was the last time you've played solitaire with a real deck of cards.
Take the time to learn how to set up and enjoy the game. If your
internet will be down for a while invite some friends over for a game
of poker. When the Internet is back you can play poker
online
and then your friends can go home and continue the game form there or
you may enjoy the company so much that a weekly game of cards wont
seem like such a bad idea.
9.
Go Outside
The idea of leaving your workstation may seem a little
extreme, but you can perform errands that you normally get parents or
spouses to do: grocery shopping, drycleaning, etc. Leaving your dorm
room, basement, or above-garage apartment suite, may be risky, but
again, the time may afford an effective distraction from your
Internet woes. NOTE: Be careful to avoid the sun, because your pasty
white skin will not be used to the exposure.
10.
Spend Time With Your Spouse
Communicating with your wife or
girlfriend may seem like a radical suggestion, but the time
investment may offer long-term rewards. Spending any amount of time
talking about your "relationship" may free up more Internet
time for you later on, when your ADSL or Cable link to the World Wide
Web has been restored. WARNING: These will probably be the longest
hours of your life.
11.
Use Your Emergency AOL Disk
If you find that your connection to
the Internet is going to be longer than you can possibly stand, as a
last resort, pull out an emergency AOL CD, the one with 910 free
hours of connection to the AOL service. Take the CD in one hand...and
slash it across your wrist! Suicide will probably be a better
alternative than connecting to that service.
Hopefully some of these Internet alternatives will be able to assist you during an offline crisis. Emergency radio broadcasts will likely advise you of the state of the Internet and be able to predict when your bandwidth will be restored, but remember to have an emergency plan in case your digital detachment is longer than you expect.